Pathfinder, by Gerry Fruin. (Adventure extract)

Extract from action adventure story: Pathfinder, by Gerry Fruin.
Work ongoing! (Section of Chapter 1)

The van disappeared as dark clouds hurtled over the tops then just as suddenly it reappeared in a quick burst of weak sunlight. His mood was sombre and his mind in automatic, as he watched disinterestedly as the heavy rain once again shut off the image.

‘An odd place for a small van to be at this time of year,’ filtered slowly into his tired mind. It did not feel right and he started to look with more intent now. Faintly he made out the van as one of the rear doors swung open and as the image disappeared once again in the murk. He thought he had seen a naked figure leap out.
Believing the weather was playing tricks with his vision he turned to look at the receding cloud and waited for the next view using his peripheral vision. This was a much more accurate way to obtain a snap shot of any vague movement, particularly at night or as he was now, in very poor light conditions.
It could not be someone going to relieve themselves naked in this weather, whatever was going on in the van. He smiled at his salacious thoughts. Yet there it was again. Yes, it was a naked figure no mistaking – it was a female. In an instant he was fully alert. She was running towards his position over the rough, fell-top grass and hard, sharp rocks.
Quickly he calculated the distance before she disappeared again about one hundred and fifty metres away. This was no ordinary situation. A man appeared round the side of the van with what ‘John’ was convinced was a weapon.    
At the sight of the weapon his military training kicked in. He moved instantly, working out an interception point with the woman. ‘What the hell was going on?’ he asked himself, as he cut the distance to the position he had last spotted the naked figure.
Again, the fickle weather gave a flash shot of the van showing there were more figures. In the split second he had sight of the shapes, he guessed three and possibly four dark-clad men. Two were nearer so they must be chasing the woman, he would have to be careful now as he would soon be coming into their direct line of sight. Then he saw the naked figure less than fifty metres to his right, whether she fell or dived for cover, he was not sure, but she was lost to him.
Closing in on her, he knew she was no physical threat, no way could she conceal a weapon, he took no humour from this, as he knew something was seriously wrong. To confirm that, the cloud lifted and he clearly heard the sharp crack of a small calibre handgun. ‘Christ’ he thought, ‘more than serious, a kill was about to go down.’
It was not a military issue and he should and could turn away and disappear into the low hung cloud, but a naked woman? He did not pause to consider the ramifications, this felt wrong and he could face the consequences later.
First, stop the killing.

Please note no editing has been done yet!


3 thoughts on “Pathfinder, by Gerry Fruin. (Adventure extract)

  1. This is an interesting start to what could be a good story. It grabs the reader’s attention.
    Why is John convinced that what the man has is a weapon? It must surely look like some specific type of weapon. We learn, later, that it is a gun. Did it not look like a gun from the start?
    There are many examples of ‘comma splice’ sentences : two or more sentences stuck together with nothing more than a comma to seperate them.
    How far have you got with the story? I’d be interested to learn how it progresses.

    • Thanks for the comment Ruth. Good point about comma splice. It is work in the raw. I write and edit continually over a passage. I know that I am bad about proofing but I need to get it down and then suffer the agony of corrections. I should be more careful.
      Weapon – gun? In my view its the same thing and obvious later. Probably a bit to military (still!) in my thinking I’ll watch it in future. The book is off and running. The plot is fixed. The characters set. I’m on chapter 4.
      P.S. This is a small section off chapter 1.
      Cheers Gerry

  2. Hello Gerry,

    I like this extract of Pathfinder, which is a good title. However, I do find the opening paragraph a tad awkward. ‘…dark clouds hurtled over the tops…’ Do clouds hurtle? If so, what are these clouds hurtling over the tops of?

    I would be inclined to open with the line ‘..His mood was sombre and his mind on automatic as he watched the van through the heavy rain…

    Also, why was it ‘An odd place for a [small] van to be at this time of the year,’…?

    All in all Gerry, I am keen to read on and find out who this character is and what he is about to get himself involved in.

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