Relentless by Steven Halinski


Relentless

 

I can’t. Just can’t.

It’s hard. This is hard.

I’m stuck in this room,

The light’s switched on

But it’s dark.

 

I’m alone. I’m alone.

This is hard. This is hard.

To smoke on my own

Reminds me of the dark.

 

My life, it is bare;

No flesh, no bone,

I can’t even cradle myself

When there’s nowhere that’s home.

 

I miss all the fun

There was when I were young –

That teenage life

Is all I had…is all I have.

 

I miss all that was:

Friends, fun and laughs,

Drinking and going out,

Taking lines and smoking grass.

 

I’ve found an enemy in me,

A deadly feeling against me,

Creeping up beside me

Every time I am lonely.

 

I’m stuck in this –

Broke-down broken

In this feeling’s abyss

Emptier than shells

Ground down by lunatics.

Forming cycles of escapisms

To daydream about bliss

But never living enough

To know what it is.

 

I’m worried for myself

Where my path is heading;

It’s been split so many times

I’m afraid of the dead-end.

 

What to do? What do I do?

When depression is settling in?

You can’t cradle a baby

That should be doing adult things.

 

Maybe if I just had somebody

Just that one that could change it…

But I’ve only met users and losers

That make me feel worse for it.

 

Usually, I can write a poem

And feel better after

But this darkness is greater

Than the words I can muster,

That even when this poem ends

My torment will still linger,

I don’t know if you’ll ever know

How much this will linger…

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