A Doll of my own by Pete Brammer

Two poems from Pete today – one funny the other poignant

A Doll of my own by Pete Brammer

Married six years to a beautiful girl,

The result of a lovely, ‘Blind date’

Until she had eyes for another,

Who happened to be, my best mate.


They ran off, to somewhere in Cornwall,

Leaving me here all alone,

I thought “By jove I’m a fitter,

I’ll fashion a doll of my own”.


Her head I made from a ballcock,

Glass marbles for eyes, blue and bright,

Luscious lips, of padded red velvet,

She was beginning to look a delight.


Her forty inch boobs were two basins,

Rubber dummies glued to their base,

A magazine picture of Lulu,

Sufficed, on a board, for a face.


Her arms and legs were Meccano,

So she couldn’t go out in the rain,

Making sure she was always submissive,

I failed to give her a brain.


Never once did she ever get headaches,

Engine oil, would loosen her cough,

When I yearned for peace and some quiet,

I’d reach over, and just switch her off.


A peck on the cheek, as I left for work,

Always a meal on the table,

Pipe and slippers, ready each night,

A relationship, happy and stable.


I wired her up, to the Hi-Fi,

And boy, was that lass a goer,

She danced for hours in the kitchen,

Then eloped one day, with the mower.

2 thoughts on “A Doll of my own by Pete Brammer

  1. An alternative title for this little ditty might well be, a misogynistic fitters wet dream.
    And the moral of the poem, if there is one at all, might well be:
    It doesn’t matter how your woman is put together,
    If you don’t treat her right, sooner or later she’ll be off hell for leather.

    I like the punchline.


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