Global Warming by Chris South

Our Profile Picture of the loveseat in King’s Park Retford during the big floods speaks many words. Writing is very much about reflections.
This response from Virtual Member, Chris, is also a comment on weather for our trigger inspired by cancellation of our meeting because of snow.

Global Warming by Chris South
(You call this summer?)

The earth is getting warmer
(Or so the experts say)
But if this really is the case
Then why does it snow in May?
Why is it always raining?
And why is the wind so cold?
OK!
So I’m complaining
About always being told
That the earth is getting warmer
Surely experts wouldn’t lie
Not while there’s a giant red
Satsuma in the sky!
But isn’t that the problem
The sun is just too hot
The earth is soaking up the rays
Like tissues soak up snot?
I’m no scientific expert
As you can plainly see
But it’s a reasonable assumption
(Well, it is at least for me)
The earth is getting warmer
And they’re blaming CO2
So we’ve got to cut emissions
Or live in a canoe
With ocean levels rising
As the polar ice caps thaw
Every single time I fart
They melt a little more!
If the earth is getting warmer
Due to all the planes and cars
None of us will travel soon
(Except to conquer Mars???)
In the name of conservation
Or just another stealthy tax?
I wish those green campaigners
Would just get off our backs!
I look after the environment
Have been doing so for years
I drown in plastic bottles
Cardboard floats around my ears

I’m underground, overground
Wombling free
Recycling all of the crap that I see
Bagging up all of the junk I can find
Garbage the council blokes still leave behind!

I use power saving light bulbs
‘A’ rated appliances too
I always think
How bad does it stink?
Before I flush the loo
My heating stays on 20c
Even when it’s cold and dank
Yes!
So I use the car for work
It’s not a sodding tank
I fly on average once a year
(Long haul hardly ever)
And they’ve knackered up our railways
Which really wasn’t clever?
So if the earth is getting warmer
It’s not my bloody fault
Don’t try and squeeze my bollocks
Til there’s nothing left but salt
If I have a carbon footprint
It’s the tip of my little toe
Compared to that of industry
Whose boots have got to go
But what about the third world?
They’re carbon trading too!
So the poorest people die
To balance our CO2?
It’s clear in my opinion
Global Warming’s just a farce
I think these so called ‘experts’
Are all talking from their arse!

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