RESURRECTION by Barrie Purnell

RESURRECTION by Barrie Purnell

 When I fell in love with her beauty

We were young, naïve and free

We were so close there was no air between us

I was her and she became me

It was for her that I had been waiting

It was for her that my body yearned

But she told me she gave away nothing

Any favours would have to be earned

 

But she quickly overcame my defenses

She had developed love to an art

Before I knew it she had me surrounded

And had slipped past the guards to my heart

She carried me away with her dancing

To a place where I’d never been

She transported me with her love songs

To places I’d never seen

 

Expecting nothing from all our devotions

Caring not for who it was on the cross

We weren’t looking out for a saviour

To the priest we were already lost

We were drowning in oceans of kisses

Bathing in lakes of freshly shed tears

The smell of her skin stupefied me

Her arms held the noose tight on my fears

 

I surfed on the waves of her ardour

I was helpless she gave me no choice

She beguiled me and hypnotized me

With the tilt of her nose and the lilt in her voice

We thought that we’d be together forever

But at the bank of love our balance was low

We knew you have to give back what you’ve taken

You have to pay all the debts that you owe

 

Yes real life intruded into our passion

There were decisions which had to be made

We’d exhausted our credit with Eros

The piper had to be paid

She said she’d become a jet setting model

On the catwalks of Rome and Berlin

And I would be an industrial chemist

Making drugs that kept models thin

 

 Our affair never overcame separation

Our passion soon cooled and was spent

Addresses were lost or forgotten

The promised letters never were sent

We lost touch and found other lovers

Then by chance our paths crossed again

It was at a charity event that I saw her

Surrounded by urbane looking men

 

I wondered if she would remember

Or act as if we’d never met

I’d be hurt if she had forgotten

Was I that easy for her to forget?

I slid into the sphere of her vision

Did she find fortune and fame?

With relief I saw her smile at me

It was a sad smile just the same

 

We talked of our past infatuation

And the journeys we’d taken since then

But we were now both different people

That love was something we’d never regain

We breathed the same air at that moment

But we were no longer as one

Even when her arms were around me

The closeness we had once was gone

 

When I saw that the party was ending

I couldn’t let that be the end of the line

I offered to deputise for her taxi

To be with her for just one last time

She lived in a posh part of Cheshire

At number six Montgomery Drive

As we approached I could see that the houses

Were designed to impress those who arrive

 

I stopped at her gates and turning to me

She said I’ll e-mail you sometime next week

We’ll arrange to have lunch together

Her lips brushed a kiss on my cheek

But I knew that this wouldn’t happen

Our worlds had moved too far apart

I could see that despite her affection

There was no room for me in her heart

 

She may not have become a model

But achieved the lifestyle just as well

Sashaying up her catwalk of a driveway

In her little black dress by Chanel

I watched as she disappeared through her doorway

I hoped she’d turn round for my pride

But she went in without glancing backward

The gates closed with me still outside

 

Did I see her steal a look out the window?

In my mind I’ll pretend that she did

But in my mind I know that it’s over

In love’s gamble I had been outbid

I pushed her into the recess of remembrance

Where she’d lived for decades before

Her ghost had been finally exorcised

I didn’t need her love in my life anymore

 

But I hope sometimes she thinks of me fondly

Of promises made when we were young

And when she’s lonely and searching for someone

It will be my name on the tip of her tongue

She’ll never know how much I missed her embraces

How she hid in my heart all this time

How I remembered the way that she loved me

Because she will never be reading this rhyme

 

Your first love may always be special

But remember looking back it’s always the same

You only remember the good times

Forgetting all of the hurt and the pain

To avoid rejection and aching disappointment

Just remember your first love with affection

Don’t try breathing life into dead lovers

You will very rarely achieve resurrection

THE END OF A LOVE AFFAIR by BARRIE PURNELL

One for Valentine’s day from new member Barrie?

                   THE END OF A LOVE AFFAIR

BARRIE PURNELL

We met by chance it was a brief encounter just one night

We talked and laughed and kissed goodbye and said we’d write

Words thrown into the darkness not to be examined in the light

But her letter told me of her love in words so erudite

They broke through my defences like a stick of gelignite

So from that chance encounter a lifetime love affair took flight

 

We stole time for days together nights we couldn’t say goodbye

We hid inside each others hearts oblivious to passers by

I told her I would always make her happy and never make her cry

I would give her everything I had and never ask her why

And that from all previous lovers my bonds I would untie

And all my secret places I would let her occupy

 

She soon knew all about me understood everything I said

She had the key to thoughts I kept locked up in my head

Dylan’s words became the soundtrack to our lives when newly wed

She played me Leonard Cohen’s songs when we lay together in our bed

We were living in the moment no thought of what might lie ahead

We pushed away reality and wrapped ourselves in youth instead

 

Our love was all embracing it was a selfish love I know

No time for family or friends or that nightly TV show

Pursuing our ambitions we watched our fortunes grow

Searching for that croc of gold at the end of life’s rainbow

So as years passed and ambitions faded how were we to know

That we’d find just what we’d dreamed of that long long time ago

 

We had all of those possessions we’d once looked at from afar

A big house with indoor swimming pool and a silken lined boudoir

The chairs they were by Chippendale with a walnut escritoire

On the wall a painting by Rossetti we purchased in Dunbar

With gold and silver jewellery from an Istanbul bazaar

And outside in the garage a big black Bentley car

 

But when I lost my love those dreams dissolved in the cold November rain

Her photographs and my memories are now all that remain

To remind me of those sunnier times that I never can regain

I was left feeling like an addict who’s deprived of his cocaine

All those sympathetic words raised tears I struggled to contain

Just realising that my life would never be the same again

 

Oh if life could only stay the same but that’s never going to be

Times thief steals love from everyone this time his victim’s me

The pain of loneliness or death is just a matter of degree

The night ignores my cries for help it is my enemy

A dark crevasse down which I fall where no one hears my plea

Only when we masquerade as lovers in my dreams am I set free

 

There are no words at my despair at losing her for good

Does it matter now I loved her and did everything I could?

And if to bring her back I shout her name into the graveyard’s wood

Just an echo of my voice comes back like I always knew it would

We rarely see him coming that reaper with his scythe and with his hood

And if we did would he know of our grief would he have understood?

 

Immortality is not for us we are just nature’s slave

It wields a random hand when selecting who’s next for the grave

However many deeds of kindness done or sinners we forgave

However many penances we take to the Cardinal’s conclave

But I can’t stop the tears of sadness for a love I could not save

And though I promised my love many things I never promised to be brave

 

I now look enviously at young lovers like some secretive voyeur

Time once a thief of love is now a devious saboteur

Distorting all my images of love so they all fade and blur

But my love was not so brief that I can forget how we once were

Yet a day will come, as if by accident, when I will not speak about her

Even once — and this the last line I will write her